Ode to the Last 10 LBs!

I'm running out of excuses as to why you are still hanging around (no pun intended). Most days I hate you and I obsess over you in one way or another: As I try to wear my 'pre-third baby clothes' I end up changing 3 or 4 times. I'm too stubborn to buy new clothes that fit, so I wear the same ones. I think about not eating or exercising myself to death so that you will go away, then I just end up 'closet eating' and being too tired to exercise at all. I keep waiting for you to just "go away," but you won't.

If I'm completely honest, you've been around for the last 20 years because I've always wanted to lose just 10 more pounds and then I'd be happy. So I hope that you are happy with yourself and how many hours I've agonized over you and hated you. I'm sure I had you smiling at Old Navy last week as I tried on 10 pairs of different sized and different cut jeans. You put me in a rotten mood when none of them fit right. And the poor fitting room guy that caught my glares when he asked if those "worked for me" as I'm handing him an armful. (Sorry, Old Navy fitting room guy!)

Your days of victory will be over soon. I hate to tell you, but I'm learning to be content with you. You may stick around forever and may even invite some friends to hang with you. You know, I'm realizing that I have wasted so much time worrying over you. You've even caused friction for me in friendships because of comparisons or jealousy. Even though I've always seen you as a "thorn in my side" God is showing me that you are a gift. Most recently, you are the result of my beautiful son, Jacob. The stretched out stomach and widened hips are a blessing because of what they have brought me-three healthy children. You've also been a gift because you've shown me what I'm trying to find contentment in and that it's empty...I've never found it.

I'm still going to try to get rid of you, I will NOT let myself go. My new attitude, however, is compelling me to accept myself for who I am, right now and not focus on what I want to be (I will never get there and will waste my time trying). God has made me a beautiful creation and because of that I want to honor Him by taking care of myself. But that doesn't mean that I will necessarily lose you and I'm going to be okay with that! On a side note: thank you, J-Lo, for making hips and curves popular. I don't have the nerve or money to insure my butt for $1 million, but your confidence makes the rest of us feel like we can appreciate the curviness that we have and see it as beautiful.