Compassion Dilema

"Excuse me, ma'am..." I heard as I was feeding Jacob his bottle at the Barnes and Noble in the Friendly Center (a nice outdoor mall area). I had seen this young girl out of the corner of my eye come and sit down at a table across the aisle from the man at the table next to me. I had assumed she knew the man and was waiting politely for him to get off the phone and acknowledge her. When he didn't even pause in his conversation or so much as glance her way, that caught my attention. So I focused in on her. Right then I saw why he was conveniently ignoring her. She was wearing a baggy gray hoodie pulled tight around her face, sleeves bunched in her hands like she was cold. Her clothes were dirty and dirt was smeared on her face. After the few moments it took for me to get over my shock of seeing someone like her at Barnes and Noble, I acknowledged her with my, "Hi!" She began to talk about how she and her brother were staying in a truck and they hadn't eaten in a few days and could I spare some change or buy them some food. Still stunned, I asked her if McDonald's was okay and she said it was. So I told her it would take a few minutes to pack up my baby. She told me to take my time and that she would be outside. Then she disappeared. I noticed an older man a few tables away eavesdropping on the conversation. I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered what the young man that ignored her was thinking, maybe, "Phew!" and glad it was me and not him dealing with her issues. Who knows.

My initial feeling was a sinking stomach. I had been debating going shopping with my gift certificates I got for my birthday or going for a walk because it was my free morning with just Jacob. I only had 45 more minutes of free time and now I had offered to buy some food at MickeyDee's. I knew that I couldn't just do that without hearing their story, asking them questions, praying for them. That's what they needed more than the empty, unhealthy calories I was about to fill their stomachs with. So the battle raged within me, compassion versus being inconvenienced or more like selfishness. I was used to dealing with this in my neighborhood, but I didn't expect to have to deal with it here. In fact I come here sometimes just to escape my conscience, drink a cup of expensive coffee and read up on celebrity news.

So, as I dragged my feet outside, I prayed that the Lord would change my whiny heart and give me compassion. I didn't want to give them food out of mere obligation or guilt, I wanted to share the gospel with them too.

I didn't see her on the curb or the bench outside like I expected. In fact, I walked to my car and looked around for a beat up truck...still didn't see her. I climbed in my car and waited for her to approach or call out across the parking lot. I drove around looking for her and couldn't find her. A mixture of relief, guilt and sadness filled me. I really did want to help her and talk with her. Did I not look hard enough? Had she been asked to leave because she didn't look like the norm for B & N? I ran an errand across town thinking about all of my emotions. The Lord assured me of His love for me and His love for this girl. He was big enough to take care of her, so I prayed for her. He gently reminded me that whenever I love and care for the "least of these" I'm caring for Him. "I tried, Lord." But then He reminded me that it's my heart motivation that He cares about, not my actions.

So, Lord, forgive me for my selfishness. Grant me the ability to give up my precious free time to share Your compassion with those who desperately need it! May I understand Your love for me to the point where it COMPELS me to share the gospel with everyone I meet whether through word, action or both. Help me to believe that it's this love that can overcome fear, selfishness and a hardened heart. Thank you for Your AMAZING love!!!