Back to Life, Back to Reality....

That's the only phrase I can recall from that song. But it speaks loudly to what I've been experiencing these last few days. Marshall and I were able to attend a conference in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, ALONE. No kids, just us. That meant, sleeping through the night, exercising when we wanted to, at the same time even, getting just myself ready and out the door (I even wore eyeshadow, something that never happens here!), eating out with colleagues and having adult conversations all day long. It was such a refreshing time, though full of learning and interacting, it was different.

I really did miss the kids while we were away. I would show my new friends pictures and tell them stories, when they asked for them. We were so excited when we got home and Marshall's dad was going to bring them to us. He was minutes later than we had talked about, so I started to pace the floor and look out windows, ready to see, to touch, to kiss my babies. Then they came. It was a joyful reunion, excitement, smiles, hugs, "I missed my mommy!" comments over and over.

Then, also with them came reality. We didn't set up an ease in schedule where we could get back one child at a time until we got used to them again. I found myself floundering a little--"What do I do?" I had gotten so used to being on my own, I had to rethink some things for a couple of days. Along with the reality came some frustrations and disappointments...being late for preschool because I had to get four people ready and I had slept in (my response--throwing a shoe and breaking one of my window blinds, cursing the red lights and slow drivers on the way, shaming myself and my children for making us late); I forgot Eliza's lunch on lunch bunch day (I didn't even make one), I found out that I had signed up for a Fall Party in each class, no one could come to Psalter's original birthday party so I had to change everything, the dryer duct kept falling off turning our back room into a sauna, the house was a total disaster all week....

So, as I sped up again and filled my time with busy work, I continued to feel overwhelmed and out of control. Finally, by the end of the week I started to see again. I started to see my neighbors and talk with them, I started to spend time with each of my children individually and I chose time with the Lord over busywork or talking with friends. I realized that what I experienced in the previous paragraph was not reality, but me living out of my flesh (my fears, disappointments and my shame). The true reality is that Christ lives in me. Since He is alive, I can do all these things through Him. Praise the Lord that He is sovereign and gives me a gazillion chances to choose Him over my flesh. So today as I went to two different stores, with three kids, in the rain to look for flower girl shoes, I praised the Lord for the rain and for my three precious children that stomped through the puddles and made many people smile, including me.