I have been thinking about writing this post since last March. I was on a Women's Retreat with my church. The speaker talked about the Samaritan woman at the well who met Jesus. The speaker shared her own story which turned out to be a traumatic childhood shadowed with abuse, followed by an abusive marriage. Her testimony was incredible, as well as many others that were shared that weekend. It was so great to see the freedom and hope they've found in Christ through their broken and shaded past.
Even after hearing testimony of God's transforming these lives, I couldn't help but feel like my testimony was drab. I was born into this world with a conscience the size of Texas. I remember agonizing over things that I thought I had done wrong, when I was little. I would not have even gotten in trouble for them. I barely got any spankings. I was always the goody-goody. I was the teacher's pet and probably a dorm parents dream. I heard about God all day, every day for most of my life.
I was the same all the way through high school, even. I never partied, I've never been drunk, never used drugs, only smoked a cigarillo one time (I even felt guilty about that!). I went to a club one time--that was enough for me. I waited until I was 21 to have any alcohol and I remained a virgin until I was married. I'm not saying all of this to boast, except of course in Christ. He's the only reason that I was able to be this way because I did submit to Him early in life. I was fortunate to never have been abused or have any major traumatic experiences either.
I am in no way complaining about my good life. But I do remember early on wondering what was so special about my testimony. No one cries when I share it because it's not dramatic. I'm not dramatic...
So at this retreat I'm feeling self conscious, like I have nothing to bring to the discussion. But the Lord gently reminded me of sweet Mary, mother of Jesus. She seemed rather plain and boring. She was a virgin, as well. I imagine that she never really "rocked the boat," whatever that would mean for those times. But God chose her to carry and birth the Savior of the World, the One I believe in. She wasn't "plain old Mary" after that! God used her sweet life to show His love to this whole world. She was open to it and believed in God's purpose for her life.
When I think about her life I am so encouraged. Everyone should be. God worked through "good" Mary and He also worked through prostitutes and sleazy tax collectors. No matter what your testimony is, God has a purpose for you and can use your testimony to attest to His faithfulness and love in your life. He does not want us to be so ashamed of our past that we don't want to share our testimony, but He also doesn't want us to be embarrassed by our lack of story. We all have a story and His fingerprints are all over it. And...our testimony is on-going, it didn't end when we received Christ into our lives, it started there.
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4 comments:
WOW, deep stuff BUT I totally get it! I too was reminded that your testimony is important to God and he has a purpose for all of us! God is sooo very good and no matter what we are we are never going to be good enough. Thank the Lord that he sent his perfect son. There are times when I can only see the sins I have and then I hear God say, child you are forgiven! Unfortunately I forget that often and God gently reminds me! Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Hi! I found your blog quite by accident, but just wanted to leave a note and say that I can totally relate to this. I was raised a PK and never did anything wrong and sometimes feel when hearing all these other testimonies of how God delivered people from such a life of sin that I begin to feel "cheated" somehow, but then I realize, NO...I feel blessed that I never had to go through any of that to come to the realization of how much Jesus loves me. Thanks for sharing!!
Your "testimony" from 11/21 (losing it) is pretty good everyday stuff that all stay-at-home moms (and dads) can relate to - more than the major testimonies, I dare say ...
Diane,
I really appreciated hearing this today, as while I have my share of family baggage, I have always been really "good" myself. Substitute your cigarillo with a couple sips of beer when I was 19 (which was never intended to be more than a few sips--I was merely curious if this substance people were obsessed with even tasted good! I was unimpressed...) and you could have been talking about me right there...
I know a lot of people relate to what you were saying about the value of any kind of testimony, but what seems to apply to me the most right now is that suddenly as a college graduate I feel a lot more insecure about my age than I did in college (I guess because I'm suddenly the youngest again, and because people still ask me if I'm in high school based on how I look)--and sometimes it's easy to be frustrated that many middle schoolers have done more "adult" things than I have and wonder if having been more a rebellious teen would make me feel more experienced now or somehow provide an easy way to distinguish my childhood from adolescence from adulthood... even though I know that's rather dumb.
So from one goody-goody to another, thanks for showing (what I already know intellectually, of course) that people become grown-ups just fine even when they skip over certain so-called normal phases of adolescent experimentation entirely. ;o)
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