Thank you for changing my name!

I'm not referring to my most common name, "mama" or "mommy," which I hear hundreds of times a day. I'm referring to the new name that I believe God gave me a year ago and has been working it out in me since then.

Back in the Old Testament days names were considered someone's identity. For example, Jacob, the twin of Esau was born to Isaac and Rachel grabbing on to his brother's foot. His name actually means, "grabber." As he grew up he was rather deceitful by stealing his older brother's birth rite and blessing. But God had a special plan for Jacob. He actually wrestled with Jacob one night. Jacob put up a pretty good fight too. That's when God gave him the name, Israel, which means "He wrestled with God and overcame." So his name was no longer "grabber" or "deceiver," but one of a calling. He had a new identity. Ten of his sons and two of his grandsons later made up the twelve tribes of Israel. Wow!! The fact that God would use a "deceiver" to father this great nation is a comfort indeed. Also, the fact that God still used Jacob even after he wrestled with God amazes me. You mean we're allowed to do that?

This has been such a powerful story for Marshall and I. That's why we named our son Jacob. It makes God seem more personal and not just the "Big Man Upstairs" that only uses perfect people to do His will. It's exactly the opposite. He uses broken, messed up people like us who are willing to be broken and give up control, so that He may live out His will through us. I don't know about you, but that sounds like good news to me.

We all have names that have been attached to us. Maybe it's "loser" or "worthless," "fat," "ugly," whatever they are Satan uses them to make us believe that we are those things. I have lived with many names. The one that has bridged most of them and has been Satan's biggest target is fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of disappointing, fear of ..... You name it, I had it. So, fear was the identity I operated under. Many circumstances would confirm that this was indeed my identity. Whether it was that I was rejected by a friend or I failed at something, I lived under it.

After going through some counseling last year, I started to work out some of these issues in different forms. Around that same time Marshall and I attended an Urban Project conference for IV staff. We had an incredible speaker during that week. One night during a service she had us cup our hands in front of us with the different things that we hold onto. God pierced my heart through her as she identified fear as one of those things. I knew that was for me. It was the heavy blanket that has suffocated me through life. It was the constant clashing cymbals inside my head and heart. After we identified them, then we released those things in order to take on the truth that God was calling us to.

That night I felt like an operation took place between me and the Lord. I realized that I had been living my life based on fear. I wanted a change, so I took the plunge and wrestled with God, just like Jacob did. Exhausted and humbled, I gave Him my fear and He gave me the new name, "Fearless!" I sound like a warrior princess, but in all honesty, I feel like one too.

By letting go of that stronghold of fear and choosing to believe God's truth about me, I have been able to experience His love for me! This has changed my life. I walk much lighter, breathe much easier and I can actually hear the quiet. The scripture that says, "My yoke is easy, my burden is light," can I just say an "Amen!!!" I finally understand what that means. There is so much freedom when we take on the yoke of Christ. It feels so light to carry God's "burden" of truth, grace, forgiveness, love, and peace. Now this didn't just happen over night. In fact that night I was overwhelmed with fear about something and had to believe in the truth that God has changed my name. Believing this continually is what has brought the freedom. That's what walking in truth is all about.

Check in another time to hear more about the warrior princess, "Fearless!"