My Little Delight....

He's about 2+ feet tall, 30 pounds and walks like a penguin. He thrives on bugging his sisters, especially Psalter. He gets a gleam in his eye as he watches her building a tower or doing a puzzle. Yes, he destroys them unless I'm there to intervene. If I tell him, "no!!" his lower lip pouts and he says, "oh."

He also loves to pull full glasses of juice off of the kitchen table and pour them on the floor saying, "uh-oh, wook, mommy, wet!" One day he dumped a tupperware full of fuse beads all over the kitchen floor, three different times. They haven't come out since then!

He loves to sample lots of different textures and liquids. The other day I found him with a glue stick in his mouth. When asked if he ate it or not he said, "Yahsh. Mmm nose." Sure enough he was sticky all over. He thinks he has a wax deficiency because he eats crayons and candles all the time. He also used to think markers were for eating. I found many with the tops bitten off.

His favorite favorite foods are "nunnets, nonuts and cookies" which are nuggets, donuts and oreos,as if you couldn't tell by his Michelin Man body-type. He loves "kucks, bus, car-cars, bike, and nung-nung-nung-nung-nungs" (trucks, cars, bikes, bulldozers, and motorcycles). Cows are "boos", sheep are "baas", lambs are "may-may", lions are "RRRRR" and the moon is "moont", spoon is "poont" airplane is "bear-pane" Cinderella is "lalella".

If you can't tell, I'm smitten with my sweet son. He loves to give hugs and kisses, even to perfect strangers. Though I may have to sweep my floor 3 times a day because of him and watch him every second to make sure he's not climbing on the table or eating glue, he's such a joy.

When I sing and put him to bed I secretly hope that he would stay like this forever. The little dimple in his chin, the crater in his cheek and the gleam in his eye make me smile all day. I wish the that I could bottle up and sell his passion and enthusiasm over simple every day things like the "moont". Sweet Jacob, I'm so happy that you are my son!

Thank you for changing my name!

I'm not referring to my most common name, "mama" or "mommy," which I hear hundreds of times a day. I'm referring to the new name that I believe God gave me a year ago and has been working it out in me since then.

Back in the Old Testament days names were considered someone's identity. For example, Jacob, the twin of Esau was born to Isaac and Rachel grabbing on to his brother's foot. His name actually means, "grabber." As he grew up he was rather deceitful by stealing his older brother's birth rite and blessing. But God had a special plan for Jacob. He actually wrestled with Jacob one night. Jacob put up a pretty good fight too. That's when God gave him the name, Israel, which means "He wrestled with God and overcame." So his name was no longer "grabber" or "deceiver," but one of a calling. He had a new identity. Ten of his sons and two of his grandsons later made up the twelve tribes of Israel. Wow!! The fact that God would use a "deceiver" to father this great nation is a comfort indeed. Also, the fact that God still used Jacob even after he wrestled with God amazes me. You mean we're allowed to do that?

This has been such a powerful story for Marshall and I. That's why we named our son Jacob. It makes God seem more personal and not just the "Big Man Upstairs" that only uses perfect people to do His will. It's exactly the opposite. He uses broken, messed up people like us who are willing to be broken and give up control, so that He may live out His will through us. I don't know about you, but that sounds like good news to me.

We all have names that have been attached to us. Maybe it's "loser" or "worthless," "fat," "ugly," whatever they are Satan uses them to make us believe that we are those things. I have lived with many names. The one that has bridged most of them and has been Satan's biggest target is fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of disappointing, fear of ..... You name it, I had it. So, fear was the identity I operated under. Many circumstances would confirm that this was indeed my identity. Whether it was that I was rejected by a friend or I failed at something, I lived under it.

After going through some counseling last year, I started to work out some of these issues in different forms. Around that same time Marshall and I attended an Urban Project conference for IV staff. We had an incredible speaker during that week. One night during a service she had us cup our hands in front of us with the different things that we hold onto. God pierced my heart through her as she identified fear as one of those things. I knew that was for me. It was the heavy blanket that has suffocated me through life. It was the constant clashing cymbals inside my head and heart. After we identified them, then we released those things in order to take on the truth that God was calling us to.

That night I felt like an operation took place between me and the Lord. I realized that I had been living my life based on fear. I wanted a change, so I took the plunge and wrestled with God, just like Jacob did. Exhausted and humbled, I gave Him my fear and He gave me the new name, "Fearless!" I sound like a warrior princess, but in all honesty, I feel like one too.

By letting go of that stronghold of fear and choosing to believe God's truth about me, I have been able to experience His love for me! This has changed my life. I walk much lighter, breathe much easier and I can actually hear the quiet. The scripture that says, "My yoke is easy, my burden is light," can I just say an "Amen!!!" I finally understand what that means. There is so much freedom when we take on the yoke of Christ. It feels so light to carry God's "burden" of truth, grace, forgiveness, love, and peace. Now this didn't just happen over night. In fact that night I was overwhelmed with fear about something and had to believe in the truth that God has changed my name. Believing this continually is what has brought the freedom. That's what walking in truth is all about.

Check in another time to hear more about the warrior princess, "Fearless!"

Something about Mary...

Today I was more of a Mary than a Martha. Now, that's unusual because normally I'm a Martha full force. When I say this, I'm referring to the sisters that are mentioned in the Gospels. Martha is the one who is rushing about cooking and cleaning upon Jesus' arrival and Mary is just sitting at His feet listening to Him and asking questions. Martha gets frustrated with Mary and asks Jesus to tell Mary to help her. Jesus responds, "What Mary has chosen is better."

So, today, for part of it, I have chosen to sit at His feet. There's even a pink ring around my toilet, coffee stains on the bathroom sink, laundry on the couch, dirty dishes in the sink and toys laying around. Those who know me well know that those are hard things for me to leave undone! But I did, to play games with the girls, to tutor Brianna, to spend time at my Lord's feet and to blog.

And surprise, surprise, the Lord met me during my time of quiet. I had to quiet my mind from obsessing over the laundry basket sitting next to me and the pink toilet in the next room, but I asked the Lord to bless the time and my effort. It's amazing what you can hear when you sit down to listen. I heard truth about His extravagant love for me. I heard Him say He will never let go through the calm and through the storm. I even learned some incredible truths from the book of Leviticus.

So, I guess Mary did chose right. Oh Lord, help me to be more like Mary in this Martha world!