So long, old "friend"

She's always been there for me. I've known her for years. She's been there to comfort me whenever I was confused, lonely or messed up. She sat with me for hours and gave me guidance whenever I didn't know what to do next. She's been my "go-to" friend for so many years, an old faithful.

About two years ago I realized that our relationship was actually not healthy for me. In fact, I saw how harmful it was. It was a co-dependent relationship. Even though I "felt" like I was in control when I went to her with my problems, I realized that she was controlling me. She was giving me false guidance and keeping me from living a confident life in the spirit. I saw her for who she really was, her name is FEAR.

We'd been "friends" for so long that I felt more comfortable with her than I did with the TRUTH. She is also called Worry or Anxiety. When the Lord showed me how much control I had given her, He's been helping me restore my mind. It's been a minute by minute battle some days... Just choosing to believe the Truth of the gospel, rather than what I feel.

It's been hard to say good-bye to Fear, especially when life feels overwhelming. She's tried very hard to regain the ground God has redeemed and now controls. But I remind her that she is my "flesh" which has been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer my flesh who lives, but Christ who lives in me. An the life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loves me and died to give Himself up for me. So, I'm going with Him. Yeah, I may be yielding control to Him, but he brings life and freedom, while Fear brings only death!

Ma Patrie....a poem by a fellow MK (Missionary Kid)

Ma Patrie

I dreamt one night
And found myself
In my father’s land
The harmattan winds blew
And red dust
Caked my skin
I looked out on a farmer’s field
And there I found my heart
Planted deep within the soil
Once and for all
I need it back
So I bent to pull it out
The roots were strong
And grew so deep
How could this be?
Nothing grows in this harsh land
But there it was
my stubborn heart
So I began to dig
One by one I found each root
And traced them through the ground
Each one led me towards
a different source
Each root so unique
from the others
Some weak,
Some long,
Some shallow,
Finally I found one…
strong and deep
I dug and dug for hours
The harsh sun burned within my soul
I lay there weak and parched
One last tug and there it was
The path that led me
To your heart
And grew in
Africa


-Dee Kennedy

I couldn't have said it better than this. My childhood friend, Dee really captured me with this poem. My heart is still there, and Africa remains deeply rooted in me. I try and try to make sense of it all, but it doesn't and maybe that's a gift. My home, my Africa.