The Hated Question

"Are you expecting?" asked an acquaintance in the middle of chaos. I had all three kids with me at a Church's consignment sale, holding Jacob on my hip, when she asked me this. I hadn't seen her in probably 5 months and the way I was standing, I could see why she may have thought this. Maybe she saw me wonderfully handle the stressful situation with three children and thought I'd do awesome and would want to add another.

Some of you may hate her for me, and I appreciate that, but the truth is....it didn't even bother me. I laughed and said, "No, do I look it?" She was so embarrassed and I felt a little awkward like, "what do I say next? So...are you expecting?" So I just focused on the task at hand (keeping track of my children). Anyways, I cannot hate her for this because I did the exact same thing to a friend a year ago. I hated myself and still do for that one, so I can't hold anything against this lady.

The beauty of it, though, is that it DID NOT bother me. This is HUGE for me. I've struggled my whole life with image issues because of a boy that called me fat in the 5th grade. I actually almost became an anorexic in the 6th grade and have continued to struggle. Some of you know what I'm talking about. Whenever I talk about this struggle people are so quick to say, "Oh, but you look great..." Not that I don't appreciate those comments, but the truth was, I didn't believe them. My belief was set on a lie that I heard a long time ago and my identity was then built on that lie. Whether I was a size six or a size 12, I was never content with who I was.

I've been on a serious journey over the past year. Last year I blogged about my body, God's praise. If you have time to read it you can see where the journey began. Not to say that I don't struggle anymore, but it's very different. The difference has been a mind change. I no longer linger on the lies when they resurface. I pray out loud claiming that those are lies and I don't believe them anymore.

The Lord has also pointed out to me that comparing myself to others is very harmful. Sometimes we'll think better of ourselves if we find "fault" in someone else or we feel bad about ourselves and want to be like someone else. Either one of those is bondage and cycles us into self-pity and self-hatred. That is not where God longs for us to be. He longs for us to love our bodies (His temple Romans 12). That is, loving our bodies as He loves them and created them and breathed life into them.

This has not happened overnight, my friends. It's taken much prayer, tears and yielding of my "rights" to compare or be envious. It's also changed the way I think about exercise. I actually don't loathe it now. It is a drag sometimes, to be completely honest, but I've been trying to see it as a form of worship. In a sense it is because I'm taking care of the temple God has blessed me with.

I give all glory to the Lord for bringing me through this valley of a struggle. He's pulled me up the mountainside many-a-steps. But I want to thank my friend, Sharon for asking me "the question" because I can say I finally passed the test!