The Hated Question

"Are you expecting?" asked an acquaintance in the middle of chaos. I had all three kids with me at a Church's consignment sale, holding Jacob on my hip, when she asked me this. I hadn't seen her in probably 5 months and the way I was standing, I could see why she may have thought this. Maybe she saw me wonderfully handle the stressful situation with three children and thought I'd do awesome and would want to add another.

Some of you may hate her for me, and I appreciate that, but the truth is....it didn't even bother me. I laughed and said, "No, do I look it?" She was so embarrassed and I felt a little awkward like, "what do I say next? So...are you expecting?" So I just focused on the task at hand (keeping track of my children). Anyways, I cannot hate her for this because I did the exact same thing to a friend a year ago. I hated myself and still do for that one, so I can't hold anything against this lady.

The beauty of it, though, is that it DID NOT bother me. This is HUGE for me. I've struggled my whole life with image issues because of a boy that called me fat in the 5th grade. I actually almost became an anorexic in the 6th grade and have continued to struggle. Some of you know what I'm talking about. Whenever I talk about this struggle people are so quick to say, "Oh, but you look great..." Not that I don't appreciate those comments, but the truth was, I didn't believe them. My belief was set on a lie that I heard a long time ago and my identity was then built on that lie. Whether I was a size six or a size 12, I was never content with who I was.

I've been on a serious journey over the past year. Last year I blogged about my body, God's praise. If you have time to read it you can see where the journey began. Not to say that I don't struggle anymore, but it's very different. The difference has been a mind change. I no longer linger on the lies when they resurface. I pray out loud claiming that those are lies and I don't believe them anymore.

The Lord has also pointed out to me that comparing myself to others is very harmful. Sometimes we'll think better of ourselves if we find "fault" in someone else or we feel bad about ourselves and want to be like someone else. Either one of those is bondage and cycles us into self-pity and self-hatred. That is not where God longs for us to be. He longs for us to love our bodies (His temple Romans 12). That is, loving our bodies as He loves them and created them and breathed life into them.

This has not happened overnight, my friends. It's taken much prayer, tears and yielding of my "rights" to compare or be envious. It's also changed the way I think about exercise. I actually don't loathe it now. It is a drag sometimes, to be completely honest, but I've been trying to see it as a form of worship. In a sense it is because I'm taking care of the temple God has blessed me with.

I give all glory to the Lord for bringing me through this valley of a struggle. He's pulled me up the mountainside many-a-steps. But I want to thank my friend, Sharon for asking me "the question" because I can say I finally passed the test!

Mommy Moments

Nothing could be finer than to live in Carolina! Where in the same week the kids are out of school because of snow and then that same week, on Saturday they're playing in the sprinkler. Girls in bathing suits, Jacob in the nude or as he calls it, "maked."

Jacob has not been feeling well for 4 days. All he's been saying is, "Momma, up!" over and over and over. I decided yesterday and told him that I was not answering to "Momma" anymore, my new name is "Awesome." So he's been saying "Allsome, Mommy!" It's so wonderful to be called that. I know, I'm brainwashing him, but whatever.

One of his "sickie" days we were home alone and I decided I would start working on tagging some clothes for a consignment sale. I was in the girls room with the attic stairs down because I kept going up and down with stuff. Jacob was actually playing and came into the room to be with me. I was busy tagging things when I realized it was all of a sudden quiet, I thought he'd just left the room, but then I also heard some heavy breathing like he was concentrating hard on something. To my horror, I looked around the room and didn't see him, so I very slowly looked up towards the 12 foot ceiling to find my 2 year old at the TOP of the attic ladder, about to climb into the attic!!! Whoever was praying for me at that moment, thank you, because I did not react normal. I didn't freak out and scream, "NO, NO, DANGER!!!" That would have made him fall for sure. Instead, I calmly climbed the ladder, 4 steps at a time and scooped him up, saying, "Oh, Jacob." When my feet hit the floor, that's when my whole body started to tremble and I said, "No, No, etc., etc." He just cried and said, "Oh, tatti (sorry), Mommy!"

Eliza has started dancing with our Glenwood Dance Team. She loves it. Yesterday I was asking her about it and she told me that God loved to watch them dance. I agreed, yes, you are praising Him when you dance. She said, "Yeah, God is sitting up on His throne watching His little princesses dance." My heart melted at that picture because it's so true. I just hope that all the other little girls who don't have good fathers involved in their lives like Eliza does, can see God the Father as one who looks down in love on His little princesses.

We have big cable for basketball months and so one afternoon I was pooped and turned on HGTV for a few minutes. The kids came swarming in because they heard the TV come on. Psalter was the last to come in and she said, "Oh...is it cooking or fixing?" I had a good chuckle about that one. They sat and watched Design on a Dime with me for at least 30 minutes! That's all for now, Ta-Ta!