Just Another Statistic

As I was driving through my neighborhood last night, I saw an old friend hanging out on "the block." She waved me down and I stopped to talk to her. We talked for a few moments about a mutual friend and then she asked me if I had heard about Linda. I rarely watch, read or listen to the news because it overwhelms me, so I hadn't heard. Linda was hit by a car on Lee St., blocks from my house and she had died.

Linda, one day a living breathing creation of God, the next day just another statistic among the poor. Although she may not be missed by most people, her death is very real to the poor/homeless in this area. Even if they aren't that sad that she's gone, they realize it could have easily been one of the them.

Linda was a broken woman. I could tell you the bad things that Linda did and to you it would justify my times of frustration with her. Linda was so bound up by her addiction that she did anything to serve it as her god. So many times we tried to talk to her, gave her food and prayed for her. It was like a brick wall stood between us, truth and love could not seem to penetrate. It saddened my heart every time I saw her walking. This tiny woman, sometimes wearing different colored wigs walked up and down the streets panhandling at different stoplights. She was on a mission to sacrifice whatever she needed to, even her dignity, as an act of worship to this god of hers.

On one such event it was a friend of mine who Linda waved down, asking for money. My friend said she wouldn't give her money, but could bring her some food. To this Linda replied in anger and walked off. My eight-year-old, Eliza, happened to be in the car and witnessed this event. She knew Linda because we prayed for her as a family. Eliza said, with tears in her eyes, "I wish there was no such thing as drugs!"

I wish there wasn't such a thing, too, sweetheart. There is so much brokenness in this world and it's heartbreaking. God promises His people, who are doing wicked things, in Isaiah 30, that "in returning and rest you will be saved; in quietness and trust shall be your strength." Verse 18 says, "the LORD longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for Him." Linda could have experienced this quietness and strength, but she chose to run off on her "swift horse," just like the children of Israel did. Even though God offered this grace, they did not accept, but ran away from it.

I wish our world could see God's mercy and grace for ALL. Linda is not just another statistic to God. He saw her pain, her affliction, her chains. He already forgave her for all of her sins. Whether or not she believed that, I will never know. I just pray that we will seek God on how to allow His Spirit, through us, to penetrate the walls of sin, showing His love and graciousness to ALL people. Let us not just treat them as another future statistic!

I'm Baaack!!

For those of you that have missed me in the blogworld, I have decided to return. I took a sabbatical, of sorts, from writing and reading blogs because I felt like I was always online. I honestly felted nudged to write many times (from God, I suppose, but I kept putting it off). I know that some of you were blessed by my honesty in my struggle with anxiety. So, for you, I want to continue blogging, as I am still walking down this path.

I left off over a year ago when I went spiraling down into a pit of anxiety. It was a scary and exhausting time. I was experiencing symptoms of about every major disease you could think of and it felt so real and devastating. Tied to it was a fear that if I died, I would be abandoning my children. Abandonment had such a strong hold on my heart. My logic, during this time, was that something terrible was wrong with me, despite what other people told me. I felt crazy and at times just wanted the Lord to take me home.

It turns out that my anxiety med. was a part of what was going on. But the biggest change came through counseling in understanding my personality, my fears and how to react to these. God felt so distant during this time, but I now know that He was right there with me the whole time.

I look back and I'm thankful for that time. I had to cling to God, even though I didn't feel Him, I HAD to believe He was there and that He loved me. It was a vulnerable time, a time of surrender and choosing to believe the truths of His Word. Psalm 18 was my favorite passage during this time, I clung to His truth that "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of the deep waters....He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me." It still brings tears to my eyes to look back and remember that He DID rescue me. He DID bring me to a spacious place! All because He loves me!

Psalm 23 was so beautiful to me too. It reminded me that, "even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies...." What a beautiful picture of God's presence during our trials. He has a banquet prepared for us in the midst of our trials. It's our choice to believe it is there and eat from the banquet or to run in fear. For so long I ran and hid, I still do at times. But the Lord has shown me how bountiful His banquet is if I put my trust in Him during these hard times. My hope is that you will take part in this "banquet." That you will choose to believe in God's love for you and "taste and see that God is good," that it's His peace that passes all understanding.